IELTS Letter, topic: Asking for information on scholarships

Dear Sir/Madam,

I’m writing this letter to request more information about a scholarship/{tooltip}Finance{end-link}financial{end-tooltip} assistance offered by your College.

I was awaiting in anticipation to enroll next year for the much coveted Diploma in English, but {tooltip}with{end-link}due to{end-tooltip} unfortunate {tooltip}circumstance{end-link}circumstances{end-tooltip}, I found myself in a financial difficulty.

I would appreciate it if you could steer me to the right path for scholarships information or if the college {tooltip}will be able to gave me{end-link}could provide me with{end-tooltip} financial assistance.

My certificate in Secondary education shows above average grades. I have worked in a voluntary position on weekends teaching English to young foreign kids. I do have the means to pay back if a loan was approved by the college. My employer will vouch for my employment and provide you with a proof of my earnings. He could also arrange a monthly deduction from my salary to your bank account.

I believe I have what it takes and I trust you would consider my request, by giving me the opportunity to continue my study.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours Faithfully,
M Munsamy

This is a good letter. It has the right structure, covers the task, shows a good command of the English language, the sentences range in complexity, the grammar and spelling are fine. Some minor corrections were made, see comments. Overall, this looks like a Band 7 letter.