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IELTS Essay, topic: Modern medicine helps to live longer

Modern medicine helps to live a longer life. Do you agree?

The modern medicine is very important for living a long life. It {tooltip}is depend{end-link}it depends{end-tooltip} on new technology. {tooltip}People take very easy and quickly{end-link}confusing sentence{end-tooltip}. Also modern medicine is {tooltip}very quick absorbing to{end-link}being absorbed very quickly by{end-tooltip} human body. {tooltip}It is helps to back to normal for people health condition{end-link}It helps people to get back to normal health{end-tooltip}. Therefore I agree that the modern medicine {tooltip}is helps{end-link}helps{end-tooltip} to live longer.

First of all, the modern medicine can prevent incurable diseases. Doctors can find some diseases very early. Then doctors can give suitable medicines to patients. New modern {tooltip}equipments are helps{end-link}equipment helps{end-tooltip} doctors {tooltip}is going to correct way{end-link}it is not clear what you mean{end-tooltip}. Also intelligent people in the world live a long life {tooltip}on helps from{end-link}thanks to the help of{end-tooltip} modern medicine. That is very important in the human society because their creative things are coming with them and they can help others for a longer time when they are living {tooltip}in long life with comfortably{end-link}a longer life comfortably{end-tooltip}.

{tooltip}Beside{end-link}Besides{end-tooltip}, old population is increasing in the country. It is {tooltip}badly effect in{end-link}seriously affecting the{end-tooltip} country’s economy and {tooltip}especially for{end-link}is especially bad for{end-tooltip} third world countries. But old people are very important in human society because their experience definitely helps to {tooltip}living safely and planning to new project{end-link}live safely and plan new projects{end-tooltip}. ‘Experience is better than qualifications’ However, old people are living a long life; it is helping others to live a long life because we can get advice from them and they are covering our culture and society.

Moreover, modern medicine is being addictive for some people, so that they cannot live without medicine. They should take medicine all their lives. Also modern medicine is very expensive. Therefore most of poor countries {tooltip}couldn't take{end-link}can not afford the{end-tooltip} modern medicine and it has taken a commercial shape, also it is depending on money. In the modern medicine {tooltip}have not facts of{end-link}there is no place for{end-tooltip} human kindness. People who have money can take modern medicine. But indigenous medicine has well human friendly shape. It does not depend on money.

To summarize; in my personal view, modern medicine is helping to live a long life {tooltip}with comfortably{end-link}with comfort{end-tooltip}. Modern technologies are being supported to find {tooltip}unburnable {end-link}incurable{end-tooltip} diseases very early. So doctors can take {tooltip}correct path{end-link}corrective actions{end-tooltip} immediately. Therefore, {tooltip}may I not{end-link}I do not{end-tooltip} hesitate to agree with the above mentioned statement.

Your essay has several confusing sentences, where your meaning is unclear.

You mix advantages and disadvantages of the modern medicine in one paragraph when you should divide them – have advantages in one paragraph and disadvantages in another.

If you agree with the statement, you should have 2 paragraphs supporting your opinion and one supporting the opposite opinion, in your essay it is 2 against and 1 for.

The structure of sentences is not very good here and so is your grammar. Try reading more essays of Bands 6 and 7 to see how you can improve your writing. Read more tips in IELTS-blog and “Ace The IELTS” or “Target Band 7″ e-books.