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IELTS Essay, topic: Capital Punishment

Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes or violence increase. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Serious crimes need capital punishment so that the {tooltip}offender{end-link}offenders{end-tooltip} are unable to get involved in the crime in the future. However, {tooltip}If{end-link}if{end-tooltip} they want to stop the acts of violation in the future then it would be better to {tooltip}forget him and judge him for a change{end-link}a confusing expression{end-tooltip} .

Overall, I agree with the fact that punishment is the way to avoid the {tooltip}crime to be increased{end-link}increase in crime rate{end-tooltip} and hence our lives become more secure. If the wrongdoer wants to be a good {tooltip}man{end-link}person{end-tooltip} and there is a particular financial or personal problem that led him to the wrong way, then it would be the nice option to forgive him and try to solve the problem he {tooltip}have{end-link}has{end-tooltip}. Although by this way, some bad {tooltip}man{end-link}people{end-tooltip} may become effective {tooltip}part{end-link}members{end-tooltip} of the society but some do not bring themselves to the right path because they are {tooltip}very much used to of it{end-link}incorrect unclear expression{end-tooltip}. The person that {tooltip}_{end-link}"is" was missing here{end-tooltip} involved in the crime and never {tooltip}try{end-link}tries{end-tooltip} to stop the law-breaking act should be punished in {tooltip}the{end-link}an{end-tooltip} extremely serious way. However, it totally depends on the nature of crime. Some {tooltip}crime led{end-link}crimes lead{end-tooltip} to a capital punishment and some may require a small penalty. The law-making institutions are responsible to bring the bad man to the right level of punishment that he deserves. If there is weak legislation to properly handle the offender, {tooltip}become our society less secure{end-link}mean that our society becomes less secure{end-tooltip} for the good {tooltip}man{end-link}people{end-tooltip}. The government should be the responsible authority to provide a secure and better state to live. Laws should be implemented and executed in the most proper way that {tooltip}do{end-link}does{end-tooltip} not allow the offender to commit violent acts or to break the law in any way and to any extent. To sum up, it is the responsibility of the state {tooltip}runner{end-link}remove, not necessary{end-tooltip} to stop people {tooltip}to{end-link}from getting{end-tooltip} involved in crime. It may be done through solving the problems of the people that led them to commit that {tooltip}violence{end-link}violent{end-tooltip} act or by the punishment accordingly.

Where are the paragraphs? This is a good essay; however there are many small mistakes that might cost you dearly. There are also several unclear expressions and grammatical errors.

You should rewrite it, giving more thought to what is required, e.g. paragraphs.