• In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
• In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
• In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".

The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

I've used this in many countries in Eastern Europe. It always works - a shock as a hiccup cure appears to be an international thing.

Submitted by: Jenny Mitchell

ESL teacher: You must never begin a sentence "I is ...".
Clever student: Please sir, what's wrong with "I is a vowel".

Submitted by: Glenn Jarrett

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
Submitted by Bob Waldman

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."
Submitted by BH LEE

The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'

Submitted by: Adriana Luchetti

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"
Submitted by Sean McLoughlin

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
Submitted by: Irene Pellegrini

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